Stop trying to make 'Girlicious' happen!

Ok, so maybe Season 5 isn't the LAST season, but it is for me. If you take my Tim Gunn to L.A., you take the very muslin from my dress form. I won't freaking have it!

That said, Bravo is really taking the low-road by under promoting nearly everything about its once glorious flagship. It's a sad death rattle, really, but it's all I have!

Time now for the weekly P.R. update with my dear friend Monrovia Staples-Soliloquy, who lives far, far away in Our Nation's Capital. Stapes-Solil is really 95% of the reason why I keep up with the show these days. It's just too much of a let down if I don't have something to talk about with her on Thursdays!

One thing you should note: I don't bother to learn designers names for the first two episodes. Stapes-Solil is awesome at learning everyone really fast, but frankly, I don't care about your ass until we reach the point where you ALL stay on the runway for the critique. Sorry.

Laura: Soooooooooo ?
Laura: I have one thing to say:
Laura: "Stop trying to make Girliocious" happen
Monrovia Staples-Soliloquy: ohhhh yes
M.S-S.: also his outfit looked like donald duck flew headfirst into her crotch
Laura: I mean... I even struggle to use the old "at least he has a point of view" line
Laura: Because that didn't show anything but a whole mess of crazy
M.S-S: word
M.S-S: and he's annoying
Laura: Plus, he looks like an orange, greasy gargoyle
M.S-S: and tanning is stupid
Laura: Word to your word
M.S-S: i did like the winning outfit's skirt
M.S-S: bodice was ... interesting
Laura: I also didn't care for the coffee filter bobs
Laura: Boobs, even
Laura: I liked the skirt and loved the notebook hook and eyes
M.S-S: yes. same here
M.S-S: i thought the cup dress was creative
M.S-S: but his model was....a little curvy? maybe?
Laura: I really loved the girl that used the red bouncy ball bodice with the asymmetrical stripped skirt
Laura: I really liked the cup dress and the model really neede boods for it
Laura: But something was wierd in the waist
Laura: It was a little andre's topiary dress
M.S-S: oh i loved the bouncy ball dress too
Laura: It was really my fave

Boing, boing!

M.S-S: i also liked the girl that looked like bettie page...can't remember her name
M.S-S: kendall maybe?
M.S-S: kenley?
Laura: All the girls are so waifey and greasy, it's hard to tell them apart
Laura: And suede needs to die
Laura: ASAP
Laura: I can't deal with that shit
M.S-S: yes! i was like, is this the season of skinny hipster girls?
Laura: Seriously. Quirky flower head girl is a little contrived
Laura: She said in one little questionaire segment that the ultimate fashion basic is high waisted, back skinny jeans
Laura: Liiiike... How not fashion forward
M.S-S: chyeaahh
M.S-S: no
M.S-S: i reaaaaaally don't like the hipster thing
Laura: And how NOT appropriate for everyone
M.S-S: just...be normal for cheese's sake
Laura: It's freaking everywhere in Chicago
Laura: It's crazy how they are anti mainstream... In the EXACT SAME WAY
M.S-S: word
M.S-S: it's really prevalent in certain parts of dc
M.S-S: the rest of dc is a bastion of peppiness
Laura: Yeah, Chi-town is pretty much all preps doing designer hipster
Laura: Which is freaking rough
M.S-S: i wish i could remember more of the outfits from the show
M.S-S: there were soooo many they're all running together
Laura: Ok, and also...
Laura: The loser guy?
Laura: WHAT in the hell
Laura: You know what killed me? The rubber gloves

Even the MODEL looks sad.

M.S-S: ohhhhhhhhhh man
M.S-S: YES
Laura: It was totally morgue chic
M.S-S: and he was like, it's an outfit for going out on the town
M.S-S: nooo
M.S-S: unless you have to hustle out the door right after scrubbing your bathtub
Laura: It's an outfit to wear during the Andromeda Strain or Outbreak
M.S-S: hahaah
M.S-S: yes
M.S-S: that should totally be a challenge ps
Laura: It made me sad because I love me some Gaysians
Laura: (Gay Asians)
Laura: And the footage from his store and some really nice dresses
Laura: Oooh, good idea
M.S-S: i like Gaysians too
M.S-S: once we were out and saw a Gaysian peeing on a car outside the bar
M.S-S: so i wrote a poem:
Laura: HAA let's hear it
M.S-S: goodnight moon, goodnight bar, goodnight gaysian peeeing on car
Laura: (*Snif-Sniff*) I smell a Pulitzer
M.S-S: thrilling
M.S-S: and what about joan jett and her trash bags?
Laura: Leather daddy chic. I'm over it. Jeffery already won, let's be real. How can the same asthetic be cutting edge every other season.
M.S-S: ooooooh leather! how...edgy
Laura: For 1973
Laura: I'm just saying, if the show is about the next step in fashion, I don't want someone who is confused by a garbage bag
M.S-S: word
M.S-S: this afternoon i will look at the outfits again and probably have better judgments
Laura: Me, too. These have just been my initial thoughts on the bus
M.S-S: i really did like the bouncy ball dress though
M.S-S: i thought the yellow dress with vegetables was really striking



Laura: I think I like that girl.
Laura: I was afraid of Shitangi 2
M.S-S: me too
M.S-S: she looks like jennifer hudson
M.S-S: like, a lot
Laura: Without relaxer
Laura: Also the quiet guy who wears ken shorts, the 23 year old, is CREEPY
Laura: He reminds me of Jeffery Dahmer
M.S-S: YES
M.S-S: and they didn't focus on him at all so he would appear randomly in the backgrouund and cause me to shriek
Laura: He's probably sweet but he still scares me

Fin