It's like Holly Golightly meets MY BUTT!

Soliloquy didn't get to watch Project Runway last night. I almost didn't either, as I was at an advanced screening of Ricky Gervais' new movie (yes, yes... it's true!). In fact, I was supposed to wait until Saturday to watch it with my usual local PR viewing buddy... but I couldn't resist. I got home in time for the re-run right after Sheer Genius.

Stapes-Solil did get to see the runway, which is really the only interesting part to watch these days and, as per usual, had many deft and wry observations...

M. S-S: i didn't get to watch PR
me: Sad!
Actually, I almost didn't either

M. S-S: was at work until midnight and went to bed

me: goo!!

M. S-S: full disclosure - i watched the runway show
so i know who won/left etc.

me: honestly, you didn't miss much

M. S-S: all of the dresses were ugly, i thought

me: the challenge wasn't really... a challenge

M. S-S: i liked kenley's

me: I hated Kenley's

Project Rungay said it best: "...It's such a modern shape and silhouette, but that fabric looks like the DNA-infused bedspread in an '80s motel."

me: the print was just not working for me
i loved her photo

M. S-S: i liked the shape
mostly

me: I liked Leanne’s
I called Jennifer's Auf-ing from the get go
I don't even remember seeing her before this episode
so, I was surprised when Emily was gone

Oh, hey everybody! I'm whimsical and odd!

M. S-S: exact same here
emily is a snaggletooth

me: even though her hair was effing nuts
she looked like an ostrich
I just couldn't get past it
deliberately odd people really irk me

M. S-S: she looked like she cut her bangs with a weedwhacker
and the stupid headbands
news flash: you are not a flapper

me: giggity goo
It's almost as bad as saying your work is "Holly Golightly goes to a Dali exhibit"
Raaaar
If your work needs a soundbite
it sucks

Debbie Downer, now residing in Italy, confuses Surrealism with Mumu

M. S-S: yes
and there is absolutely nothing surreal about her work
at. all.
it's not even an accurate soundbite

me: very true
I thought her idea was cool
but there was no follow through

M. S-S: i just saw the dresses so have none of the background
but her dress was whack
also, blayne's dress was really similar to emily's i thought

me: I am over blayne

not that I was ever "under" him

Suede actually used the work "I" in an interview

so, there's that

M. S-S: Monrovia doesn't like suede
Monrovia thinks suede is too old to be dressing like he belongs in the skate park
and Monrovia thinks suede's dress was ho-wear

me: ok, hilarious
I have to go review Suede's dress
i totally don't remember it

Yawnsville in the City

M. S-S: it reminds me of michael's fashion week collection
sexy safari or whatever
shiny with a collar

me: Don't remind me of that sad catastrophe. I love me some Michael Knight
It was ok for me... but not forward and not at all having to do with the super easy "challenge"
Again, not to be too whiny, but why do they even bother with challenges anymore if they aren't going to actually CHALLENGE the designers

M. S-S: because these suckers aren't really that talented?
and OH HAI
i like terri
usually
but wtf was with her dress being in the top??

me: I really wasn't seeing it either
but I guess it was "forward" or something
It wasn't cute or anything

M. S-S: the print was whack

me: but I think I'm blinded because I like her

M. S-S: and i thought it was dated

me: I thought she was screwed when it was on the dress form

M. S-S: weren't we all wearing pants over dresses like 4 years ago?

me: but on the model it wasn't... so... bad?
I just remember the Kara Saun - Nancy O'Dell leather pants for the Grammy's thing
and that was no good

M. S-S: that was no good
and that was WHACK
because the dress was gorgeous
so why put it over big orange leather pants?

me: good question
and five seasons later
here we are with a pant - dress combo deemed fabulous
I think Joe is too literal for the show
I think he's the new Marla, but a better sewer

M. S-S: yes
ooh i hated marla
i forgot about her
shiver

me: I saw her in person at a sad little booth at this big art show downtown last November
and it was all just so sad-sack

M. S-S: whoa
did you say anything to her?

me: I did not, it was all too pathetic and I high tailed it out of there
I couldn't even feign interest in the clothes

It's a busy day in the neighborhood for Stapes and I, so we had to go do our respective jobs.[Fin]

I'm so... scared!

Dear Zach Morris--- er, I mean...

Dear Mark-Paul Gosselaar,

I understand you have a new television series coming out. But please, for the love of God:

Cut. Your. Hair.

Sincerely,
Every woman of my generation

Bon Anniversaire

Yeah, so I'm 24 now.

That happened.

Please feel free to share how shocked you are at my youth since I provide such sharp and mature commentary here on my BLOG. This would be particularly helpful to me as this is really the last birthday I think I'll feel comfortable celebrating.

The weekend was spent with my family, who stayed in my one bedroom, one bathroom apartment on two air matresses and a couch. More on that at a later date, but I will say when my 12 year old brother and 16 year old sister started arguing over a half-eaten cheeseburger this morning, the migrane did ensue. It was actually one of my more fun birthdays!

More on that later... feel free to ask me.

On to WAY more important business... Guess what the fabulous alex got me for the ol' birfday? A flat screen TV! Isn't he amazing? What a lil' saver he is... especially when he knows my track record with a Wii and a certain life long friends television!

And, it's Sunday - which means that tv is super lame. And that means that I'm watching The Next Food Network Star. Since it's on TV right now... I guess this means I'm "live blogging" about The Next Food Network Star. Oh, man... I have not earned this beautiful television.

I really thought I knew who was going to win, but after the pilot presentations... I was actually pretty impressed. I still think it will be Lisa Garza. And, let's all be honest... what is the first word that comes to mind when you look at this photo...

We all have the same word. SEVERE. Super, dooper severe. Lots of angels and sharpness. She intimidates the crap out of me. And yet... like a moth to the flame... I'm intrigued.

In a few moments, we'll all know the answer, but in the mean time -- I remained terrified and smitten.

I worked so HARD!

Chin up, Korto. Let's hope Bravo never puts you and Ricky in the same room...

And now it's time for your weekly PR rundown, with Laura and the awesome Staps-Solil!

M.S-S: jeffrey dahmer is gone!
M.S-S: i did NOT see that coming
L: I was suprised
L: But - knew that Korto has to stay
M.S-S: oh yeah M.S-S: thought it would be leanne
L: But what was up with the water works?!
M.S-S: one of the 5762 interchangeable hipster girls
L: She worked so HARD
M.S-S: i hate when the person who is saved cries on the shoulder of the person leaving
L: Yeah, that's really tacky
L: I have to say that I felt bad about being skeeved out by that dahmer fellow (Wesley)
L: At the end he seemed sweet
L: Leather-ette is the biggest whiner in the history of the show
M.S-S: if i were wesley i would cut a bitch
L: He did rock those ken shorts

M.S-S: i figured he would be a frontrunner

was getting a danny v vibe

me: Ditto

Korto was outrageous

her dress was just not good looking

I'm a rocket man!

M.S-S: it looked like a rocket

with the butt fins

L: But at least I could see her asthetic in it

WHY did they give Suede a win?!

WHY?!

I can't stand that guy

Suede is a tulle!

M.S-S: same here

M.S-S: i sort of liked the dress? i guess?

me: And the fact that they were all about Stella's dress

me: which was the most boring thing ever...

M.S-S: stella's was UGLY

and looked like it belonged in Deb or some similar store

with the stupid lacing

ugh

L: I mean is it an improvement over last week?

What ISN'T an improvement over garbagebags with whipstich?!

Suede's dress wasn't for me

I am not a tulle gal

I just didn't love it

The judges just throw me sometimes, because they'll praise simple bullcrap like Stellas

and then lose their minds over complicated fusiness

M.S-S: yes

kenley is my favorite, i've confirmed

i want her to be my stylist

L: I liked Kenley's because it reminded me of Daniel V's inspiration challenge

M.S-S: oh yeah

M.S-S: with the neck puff

me: With Leanne's dress

L: it looked good on the dress form

and I liked the idea

but she's totally the new Diana

"The magnets reversed polarity!"

And rendered my sewing skills useless

M.S-S: i didn't really think it was that bad

and was kind of surprised it was in the bottom

that fabric was ugly though

L: I was pretty certain the models were going to come back with ridiculous shit

but they have to know SOMETHING about fabric, no?

I guess not. Hangers don't know anything about construction either

M.S-S: yeah

i was like, way to go, dress forms

you guys suck

L: But, once again...

I feel like they took two potential challenges and combined them into one show

M.S-S: yes

L: if this show keeps going on, they need to keep up these original challenge ideas and stop wasting them

M.S-S: and how obvious the green thing was just because of natalie portman

who i love

L: It was lovely to see her

... especially to see her attempt to say something positive about each dress

hilar

M.S-S: yes

so positive

i can totally see her wearing suede's dress

not so much on heidi

L: I still feel like there was too much tulle, but as long as she doesn't do lace up ballet shoes or some crazy shit like that

she could pull it off

M.S-S: honestly, kenley's dress was the only one i really liked

i think most of it was the fabric everyone was working with

ew
L: I really liked Terri's

and I thought Jennifer's was HORRIBLE

with the peacock shit?

Bawrf!

On a semi related note: have you seen this?

M.S-S: yeah

i dig the gold pencil skirt and the black shirt dress

L: I liked the tee shirt and the "london guard" jacket

but the price is redic

sorry, but you're not that big of a deal yet

M.S-S: seriously

also, i was sure kenley would win

because suede's dress will be a bitch for bluefly to mass produce

L: no joke

and, sorry to the the tulle nazi

but that stuff does not ship well

M.S-S: no

it needs lots of fluffing afterwards

L: true dat

NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo

THIS cannot be true. At all.

I won't have it! Not my Jack Kelly!

Why so serious?!

Dude. You guys....

The Dark Knight is effing AWESOME.

See it right now and prepared to have your sh*t rocked!!!!

From alex

alex has really not been blogging much in this world, but he hasn't been able to stop singing this song. I still can't see the educational value of this thing, but it's catchy!

Stop trying to make 'Girlicious' happen!

Ok, so maybe Season 5 isn't the LAST season, but it is for me. If you take my Tim Gunn to L.A., you take the very muslin from my dress form. I won't freaking have it!

That said, Bravo is really taking the low-road by under promoting nearly everything about its once glorious flagship. It's a sad death rattle, really, but it's all I have!

Time now for the weekly P.R. update with my dear friend Monrovia Staples-Soliloquy, who lives far, far away in Our Nation's Capital. Stapes-Solil is really 95% of the reason why I keep up with the show these days. It's just too much of a let down if I don't have something to talk about with her on Thursdays!

One thing you should note: I don't bother to learn designers names for the first two episodes. Stapes-Solil is awesome at learning everyone really fast, but frankly, I don't care about your ass until we reach the point where you ALL stay on the runway for the critique. Sorry.

Laura: Soooooooooo ?
Laura: I have one thing to say:
Laura: "Stop trying to make Girliocious" happen
Monrovia Staples-Soliloquy: ohhhh yes
M.S-S.: also his outfit looked like donald duck flew headfirst into her crotch
Laura: I mean... I even struggle to use the old "at least he has a point of view" line
Laura: Because that didn't show anything but a whole mess of crazy
M.S-S: word
M.S-S: and he's annoying
Laura: Plus, he looks like an orange, greasy gargoyle
M.S-S: and tanning is stupid
Laura: Word to your word
M.S-S: i did like the winning outfit's skirt
M.S-S: bodice was ... interesting
Laura: I also didn't care for the coffee filter bobs
Laura: Boobs, even
Laura: I liked the skirt and loved the notebook hook and eyes
M.S-S: yes. same here
M.S-S: i thought the cup dress was creative
M.S-S: but his model was....a little curvy? maybe?
Laura: I really loved the girl that used the red bouncy ball bodice with the asymmetrical stripped skirt
Laura: I really liked the cup dress and the model really neede boods for it
Laura: But something was wierd in the waist
Laura: It was a little andre's topiary dress
M.S-S: oh i loved the bouncy ball dress too
Laura: It was really my fave

Boing, boing!

M.S-S: i also liked the girl that looked like bettie page...can't remember her name
M.S-S: kendall maybe?
M.S-S: kenley?
Laura: All the girls are so waifey and greasy, it's hard to tell them apart
Laura: And suede needs to die
Laura: ASAP
Laura: I can't deal with that shit
M.S-S: yes! i was like, is this the season of skinny hipster girls?
Laura: Seriously. Quirky flower head girl is a little contrived
Laura: She said in one little questionaire segment that the ultimate fashion basic is high waisted, back skinny jeans
Laura: Liiiike... How not fashion forward
M.S-S: chyeaahh
M.S-S: no
M.S-S: i reaaaaaally don't like the hipster thing
Laura: And how NOT appropriate for everyone
M.S-S: just...be normal for cheese's sake
Laura: It's freaking everywhere in Chicago
Laura: It's crazy how they are anti mainstream... In the EXACT SAME WAY
M.S-S: word
M.S-S: it's really prevalent in certain parts of dc
M.S-S: the rest of dc is a bastion of peppiness
Laura: Yeah, Chi-town is pretty much all preps doing designer hipster
Laura: Which is freaking rough
M.S-S: i wish i could remember more of the outfits from the show
M.S-S: there were soooo many they're all running together
Laura: Ok, and also...
Laura: The loser guy?
Laura: WHAT in the hell
Laura: You know what killed me? The rubber gloves

Even the MODEL looks sad.

M.S-S: ohhhhhhhhhh man
M.S-S: YES
Laura: It was totally morgue chic
M.S-S: and he was like, it's an outfit for going out on the town
M.S-S: nooo
M.S-S: unless you have to hustle out the door right after scrubbing your bathtub
Laura: It's an outfit to wear during the Andromeda Strain or Outbreak
M.S-S: hahaah
M.S-S: yes
M.S-S: that should totally be a challenge ps
Laura: It made me sad because I love me some Gaysians
Laura: (Gay Asians)
Laura: And the footage from his store and some really nice dresses
Laura: Oooh, good idea
M.S-S: i like Gaysians too
M.S-S: once we were out and saw a Gaysian peeing on a car outside the bar
M.S-S: so i wrote a poem:
Laura: HAA let's hear it
M.S-S: goodnight moon, goodnight bar, goodnight gaysian peeeing on car
Laura: (*Snif-Sniff*) I smell a Pulitzer
M.S-S: thrilling
M.S-S: and what about joan jett and her trash bags?
Laura: Leather daddy chic. I'm over it. Jeffery already won, let's be real. How can the same asthetic be cutting edge every other season.
M.S-S: ooooooh leather! how...edgy
Laura: For 1973
Laura: I'm just saying, if the show is about the next step in fashion, I don't want someone who is confused by a garbage bag
M.S-S: word
M.S-S: this afternoon i will look at the outfits again and probably have better judgments
Laura: Me, too. These have just been my initial thoughts on the bus
M.S-S: i really did like the bouncy ball dress though
M.S-S: i thought the yellow dress with vegetables was really striking



Laura: I think I like that girl.
Laura: I was afraid of Shitangi 2
M.S-S: me too
M.S-S: she looks like jennifer hudson
M.S-S: like, a lot
Laura: Without relaxer
Laura: Also the quiet guy who wears ken shorts, the 23 year old, is CREEPY
Laura: He reminds me of Jeffery Dahmer
M.S-S: YES
M.S-S: and they didn't focus on him at all so he would appear randomly in the backgrouund and cause me to shriek
Laura: He's probably sweet but he still scares me

Fin

Alex is going to HATE this...

CoolOutrageousLoversOfUniquelyRawSTYYYYYLE!

I have to say...

I kind of saw this coming.

Didn't you?