Ron Swanson ProTips

Have the best week possible. Have a steak, work with you hands and go easy on the salad - you're not a rabbit.

I took Ron Swanson's advice and worked in the out-of-doors to plant some flowers on the porch. It's not much, but for me it's like some kind of verdant heaven. It's mine and I'm proud of it.

I also finished the Procrastination Shawl. I don't really know how to wear it, because it's not quite big enough to be a practical shawl but wearing it as a scarf kind of looks baby bib-like:

My house is a mess, but my shawl turned out pretty neat!

This is the face of a tired 26 year old wearing a purple bib

But still, it's finished! And that feels pretty good. I'm working on a bunch of little gift projects now, we'll see if I can pull it out in a ridiculously short amount of time. Nothing like putting off your gifts to making something for yourself that you'll hardly use. Huzzah!

I'm kind of stressing this gift for my mom in particular. I had a brainstorm to make her a cool wrap to wear with a dress she's wearing to a wedding we're both attending this weekend. The yarn I got is hand-dyed (read: overpriced) and contains her favorite colors: tones of blues and dark purples. But as I'm knitting it up... it's just really starting to look.... well... "busy"? Or, if I'm being honest, possibly like cupcake barf?

Not the best picture, but you get the idea. I'm not sure what to do at this point, since we're on a TIGHT deadline. Maybe I'll just give it to her after the wedding so she won't feel forced to wear it? Oy... perfect example of why you keep it simple when giving gifts. Don't spend a ton on your yarn or your pattern because no one really knows the difference and hand crafted awesome yarn is only pretty in the eye of the craft nerd beholder. LEARNING.

Doin' and Doin' It

Maybe it's because I've been staying up later, maybe it's because I heard Jimmy Fallon interviewed on the Nerdist Podcast or maybe it's because I watched The Karate Kid remake and have the Smith family on the brain, but I'm starting to think that I legitimately like and prefer this version of Whip My Hair:

Or maybe I'm just old and caucasian.

Yikes, that's probably it.

Et tu, Bootie?

I promise I'll tackle more subjects than just my artsy little addiction, but my 3-5 readers (we're growing, you guys!) are local to Chicago and understand just how much rain and gloom we've had lately. It's nice to come home to projects that aren't laundry, giving the dog a bath or boredom eating.

In the interest of not totally boring you to death, let me take one moment to say that for the first time I ever in my life, the person I wanted to win a reality show competition from the first episode actually won! It's a nice feeling and incredibly unsatisfying, but you need to embrace all victories in life! So, congratulations RAJA  for reading those other queens to DEATH on RuPaul's Drag Race. I've loved you since the moment you walked in the stage door and I realized you were the makeup artist on America's Next Top Model. Love her, mean it.

You're a CHAMP-I-ON

So great. Seriously, if you haven't been watching, drop everything and watch that shit this minute. This MINUTE, I tell you.

Back to Adventures in Knittery with Great Auntie Doogs.

I was able to complete the pattern with no problems this time around! I picked a different scrap yarn because I had more of it and it still had a wooley feel to it. I'm pleased that I finished a bootie that actually looks like something:

This is where the good news ends. The problem with teaching yourself to knit by trial-and-error is that, unsurprisingly, you make many, many errors. In this case, I have a bunch of yarn that I can't identify and therefore don't know what it's actually made of. In order to "felt" a project, the yarn has to be animal fiber that locks itself together through exposure to hot water and agitation. I threw the bootie into the wash on "hot" with an extra pot of almost boiling water to make sure things were nice and scalding with heavy towels to make sure it got a good beating. And it came out.... looking exactly as pictured above. I'm guessing that the yarn may feel wooly but may actually be a blend or superwash wool that is designed to not felt. The OTHER problem could be that I'm knitting too tightly because I'm using bigger yarn than the pattern calls for.

The solution is clear - I need to test swatch some of my scrap yarn and see if I can get any of it to felt. This is not a huge setback or anything, I'm just hoping to use yarn I already own instead of buying more. Ebay yarn is going to ruin my life, you see, and even though I'd be a really well dressed street urchin, you can't eat SweetGeorgia Tough Love Sock in Cayenne. I'm just kidding - I don't own that yet, it's on my "watch" list!

Immaturity Alert

via Anderson Cooper's Twitter feed

Poor Andy! You don't have to struggle any more - just tell already. TELL US!

Don't Watch Lost? Didn't Catch Lost? Don't Read This.

Spoilers?

** I made a pact with a dear friend of mine who promised she would watch The West Wing if I would start watching Lost again. I need to coordinate my thoughts, so I'm using this web space I have let go to the proverbial weeds to regroup. **


What did I learn?
- Locke is not Locke but is a physical manifestation of The Smoke Monster which is the non-corporal form of The Man In Black.

- OMG HIROYUKI SANADA IS NOW IN THE CAST OF LOST. There was an audible squeal of glee up in my house. For those of you didn't see The Last Samurai four times during finals week of your junior year in college in the same movie theater as now-NFL-quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, he played Ujio - right hand man to Samurai Leader Katsumoto and a man who beats the HELL out of Tom Cruise repeatedly (as we are all wont to do). Long story short, Sanada-san is awesome and it made the whole six seasons of craziness worth it.

He'll cut a bitch. (Or a Tom Cruise)

- The Temple has healing water.

- The healing water is broken? Or diluted somehow? When Sanada cut his and and dipped it in the water - it did not magically heal right away. This is probably because Jacob is "dead" (which I still don't buy 100%).

- The Smoke Monster has an ash aversion.

- There are two stories playing out, one where everything is reset and one where they're still stuck on the island in Present Day.

- The issue of fate is coming up again in the "back on O815" story. Things that happened to people on the island are still happening to the passengers. The Marshall still got hit in the same spot on his head - it was just by Kate in the bathroom this time. Jack still can't find his dad's body. Charlie says that Jack "should have let him die". Maybe it is all supposed to happen?

Did you notice?

- The hourglass at the Magic Water had light and dark sand in it?!?

- I bet the hourglass is 1 minute and eight seconds... or not.

- I'm bad at picking up subtle things in this show.

New Questions:

- The Man in the Dark Shirt can only be one dead person at a time, right?

- Since Sayid got up from the mat in his own body, does that mean that the water has to kill you to heal you?

- What is the water? Is it water? What does it do?

- Does Dark Shirt have an army? Or are the Temple People just fighting him as The Smoke Monster?

- Are the temple people a mixture of The Others (who had to hide there on Ben's orders) and other people that already lived there?

- Is the "back on the O815" story happening simultaneously or is it another time travel thing that plays out beforeafter the temple shenanigans?

Old Questions:

- Is there a reason that they buried so many 'stunned people' alive early on in the show? Can they be reanimated somehow?

- What's the name of the Man in the Dark Shirt?

- What is Jacob and the Man in the Dark Shirt?

- Why is is there so much Egyptian iconography? Did the island start out in the Nile?

- What's up with Team Ilana?

- Why does the island kill pregnant women? Is it because of the electromagnetism?

- Why doesn't Richard age?

- How did Richard et. al. get on the island?

- Does Ben have any redeaming qualities? Is he just a pawn?

- What do The Numbers mean?

- Why did Jacob have to touch the certain Losties at different parts of their lives?

- Is Locke perma- dead?

- Is there more significance to Ann Arbor where Dharma seems to have an HQ station?

- CLAIRE WHERE ARE YOU?

Theories at this point:

Paradise Lost plays into this some how. The title "Lost" really doesn't make sense for the show since they really haven't been lost so much as 'brought' to the island. Also the whole Light/Dark thing and the people buried in the caves with the light stone and the dark stone.


Upgrade/Downgrade:

Locke: DOWNGRADE. You're not even Locke - you're possessed with the dark side! o815 Locke was the Locke I knew and loved, but still, you can't recover from being the face of evil at the start of a season.

Hurley: UPGRADE. He's pulling himself together in Back on the Island World. He still gets freaked out, but is able to regroup much faster when visited by a spirit no one else can see.

Sawyer: DOWNGRADE. So sad now! He's an open wound and it's going to be dangerous. I think he whitened his teeth even more in the Season hiatus.

Kate: UPGRADE. She's doing what she does best: support staff work.

Juliet: UPGRADE - but I'm still really sick of watching you fall down that hole in the ground to your death, but not quite, but to then hit the bomb and then to not quite die, then to be rescued and die. Bye, Juliet. Maybe?

Jin & Sun: PERMAUPGRADE because I love them.

Jack: HOLDING. He's floundering, but at least he's not his overly-sure self that is committed to one course of action that screws everyone over every single time.

Sayid: HOLDING. What are you? Who are you? Are you going to kill us all?

Desmond/Charlie/Boone/Claire: UPGRADE. Hey, you're back - in an alternate universe at least...

Haters to the left

Alright, so let's talk about it.

The Fashion Show.

After a wacky week at work, I wasn't able to watch the premier on Thursday. I consulted the DVR this weekend and came up with the following thoughts:

1) I'm going to watch it

2) It's no Project Runway

3) You should watch it with me

Because how you can you NOT have an opinion about this:Meet Adam Ant

Sadly for you, I don't have much to say about this first episode other than (ugh, I'm going to actually say it out loud!) I agree with Issac 100%. The crap these people put out was incredible. Maybe it was the team challenge aspect or something, but all I can tell you is that satin harem pants WON. They won. And they actually made harem pants look even worse than the celebrities called out by The Fug Girls.

All I know is there's Adam Ant, a man in wooden sandals, pink and white Barbie hair and no Sheer Madness in sight. Ergo, The Fashion Show will be my crappy summertime show. Let the games begin!

I'm still deciding on if I'll turn into that turncoat Project Runway on the dreaded Lifetime Network: Television to Scare/ Placate Woman, but maybe this show will turn out to be so bad that I'll have to run screaming to my Tim Gunn once again.

I know I'm only making it worse...

But Glenn Beck's insanity knows no bounds, people.





Please keep in mind that this man has millions - I say again MILLIONS - of listeners and viewers.




Hey, but at least he backed off the FEMA prison thing... until he can't not prove it again.

MAD Money

The Jon Stewart - Jim Cramer interview was a real cultural moment. You should really watch the extended interview if you haven't already.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Jim Cramer Unedited Interview Pt. 1

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

For the rest, click here.

I was impressed with Jon Stewart and I'm glad to see actual reporting happening again. This interview really makes you squirm with awkwardness and it helps to let Jon rage for you at all of the craziness that takes place in our country's financial sector.

That being said, I have a few problems with the interview. I felt like a lot of anger was misdirected at Cramer. He's essentially a Wall Street Pundit who puts on an entertainment show. I think the point is valid that he may be disingenously promoting himself to be an all-knowing guide through the economic storm, but who really expects the SELL, SELL, SELL guy to be a spokesman for an entire network?

People are mad right now and we have the right to be. We should be examining how we all played a part in the economic meltdown, the traders and the borrowers. No one has really discussed how the media let us down on this one, and I'm glad to see the conversation get started. But let's be clear: Stewart is accusing CNBC of not doing 'investigative financial journalism'. Is that really the expectation that veiwers have of CNBC? To get them all the facts and expose those corrupt CEOs? I would argue that that exectation does not exsit.

I view CNBC in the same light as the E! channel. It has a particular demographic that wants to hear vaguly reassuring/ interesting tidbits of information. Perhaps you'll look forward to an E! Hollywood Story, but I'm not going to bank my entire future on what E! tells me a high school friend says about Mickey Rourke. CNBC exists for traders and for the E-trade market warriors of the world, but shouldn't be and isn't the sole financial beakon for serious people. At least Cramer talks to people about what to look for and the importance of doing their own research before investing.

I think there is plenty of blame to go around with respect to financial reporting, but I think it's soft to go after a cable news financial network for being defferentail to titans of Wall Street.

Still, this is some awesome TV. I'm Netflix-ing Frost/Nixon right this minute.

A Civil Discussion

Did you see Meghan McCain on Rachel Maddow last night? It was honestly quite refreshing:

Part 1:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Part 2:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Notice that they were decidedly light on the politics, but I am really glad to hear that there are some people in the Republican party who realize the importance of moderate voices. The fact that someone in office can't have this discussion in public is exactly what keeps the GOP from moving forward with the country.

Deep down in my progressive soul, I sort of enjoy watching the Republicans crash and burn. As an American, however, I would love to see them develop into an actual opposition party that can offer real ideas and bring something to the political table. Perhaps the people that are brought into the GOP by Meghan McCain will have a part in shaping that party.

Ad Men

I was listening to a really interesting Diane Rehm Show podcast yesterday about Barbie celebrating 50 years. It really made reflect on how I was totally influenced by advertising as a kid. I was that that kid that was really disappointed when I had non-Jello brand pudding pops. I received a doll for a gift that was Barbie's size but not actually Barbie... and I noticed right away. During this reflection, I congratulated myself for overcoming that indoctrination and being a really savy, cool consumer now.

Mmmbut then I saw this ad for T-mobile this morning:



And it got me. Hook, line, sinker... I just think this looks like a blast. I love all of the non dancers stuck in the choreography and how much fun they're having. So, way to go marketers... I just can't get away from you.

(via Andrew Sullivan)

That about sums it up...

(Spoiler alert?)

via Best Week Ever

Oh, Internet...

you're the internetiest!

Huge thanks to phh for sending this my way! After being roped into watching the Hills to keep up with the chat at bookclub, this is a much more entertaining spin:




Check out the other episodes here.

Let's pray there isn't a Biden spinoff. The 'Ware? The Amtrack?

No, I Didn't Watch the Grammys

Why? Because the Grammys are my least favorite award show. I'm that person whose least favorite part of SNL is the muscial guest. Plus, I can read all of the overly-involved celebrity blogs the next day and not miss one thing.

For example:



alex's favorite band of all time is Radiohead. Before I knew I liked them, we saw them on tour in Indy this past summer. Hearing this song (15 step) live really sold me and I was the last person on earth to become a fan. Performing with a marching band makes it even more awesome and I will once again apologize for not getting it sooner.

Snooze

Sorry, gang. I know how much you love my insightful video posts every four days or so, but I've been going through a serious creative blank! I'm reduced to leaving long-winded comments on other people's smart, thoughtful commentary.

I'm pleased to announce that after last night's No Reservations: Chicago, I can continue to love Anthony Bourdain and everything that he is associated with. I have to say that I was nervous that we were going to be at odds (if anyone has seen the painful Romania episode, they'll know what I'm talking about), but happily we agree. This city is amazing, endless and the greatest place to live.

That being said: YOU BETTER LOOK OUT, PETER S!



HOW DARE YOU F*CK WITH THE BEAN!!!!


We're coming for you.... right after this sandwich...

Debbie Downer

Look, I know it's been forever and this is a totes sad thing to post after a long hiatus, BUT:



Sesame Street explains death. It's really touching because the actor the played Mr. Hooper actually did die, so the cast gets really emotional. As I get older, I realize how much I watched Sesame Street as a kid and what a true innovation it was. There's a new book out about the development of Sesame Street called Street Gang and the author is making the NPR rounds, so that's what brought this to mind.

Two things...

1) Does this imply that there's alot of semi-incestuous behavior among Miami students?
2) Who wants to bet ten bucks that someone mailed those shirts in to try and get Miami on SNL?

Project Runway: Called It!

Soooo, I had a major choice. Watch the final debate or watch the Project Runway finale real-time. Country or couture? Talk about a quandary. America won out, as I was stuck at work and could only stream the debate. John McCain pissed me off - no surprise there...

And Leanne "Judy Noodles" won Project Runway - no surprise there...

I said it before, but I'm sure it bears repeating: It's all my fault. I liked Korto's collection the best which is always, ALWAYS the kiss of death. Actually, the collection didn't move as well as I thought it would on the runway. But it is most definitely is the most forward and the most innovative collection, and I congratulate her mousy ass. Good job, Leanne!

My darling Korto, your color and final dress rocked my FACE off:

Nina Garcia hit it square on the head that you can dress women of all sizes. This is why I like you, because I could actually wear your clothes and not look horrid. And that GREEN! I could have devowered the screen. Nom, nom, nom!

Aaaaaand Captain Kenley:

Begrudgingly - it's pretty amazing how she was able to hand paint her fabric. But on the runway, it really wasn't holding up as great as it does in these photographs. It's just a leeeettle too two dimensional for me. And while her clothes are fun, I just get so bored because they are just retread. I have seen it before. It just seems like everything I've ever seen in Vogue with some ropes thrown in for good tugboat measure. K-dizzle, it's been swell, but I will not miss having you stomp all over my nerves every Wednesday with your crocodile tears and your alligator shoes (... I don't know, it just sounded right).

Thanks to Project Rungay for the photos. What did YOU think?

Old news..

But HILARIOUS news, none the less.
Item 1:



Uh, nailed it much?

Item 2:
CONGRATULATIONS, ALEX! My boyfriend is now, once again, employed. He's checking ID's at Jack's on Southport. Swing by and say 'hi' any time between 4:00 p.m. and 3:00 a.m.! Good thing we moved in together in order to... never... see each other ... again? HEY! MONEY! YESSSSSSS!

Item 3:
Anyone watch the Coco Chanel movie on Lifetime? I will grant you that it was lame, but it was Lifetime at it's best. You have to admit, it was perfect for this crappy weather we've been having!

Oui, Lifetime!

Item 5:
Weight loss updates: alex - 5lbs. & Laura - 4.5lbs
Cheats: Alex had a bite of an oatmeal cookie!! And yet... he still has lost more than I.

I have ten dollars that alex ditches the diet now that he's on the night shift. Ten. Dollars.

Headliner

I was on NBC 5 this morning - or more importantly, the organization that I work for was featured on NBC 5. Hey, if my sister gets a video on my blog, so does my non-profit!


You should all come to Summer Soiree - Anchors Away: www.jlchicago.org.

Bon Anniversaire

Yeah, so I'm 24 now.

That happened.

Please feel free to share how shocked you are at my youth since I provide such sharp and mature commentary here on my BLOG. This would be particularly helpful to me as this is really the last birthday I think I'll feel comfortable celebrating.

The weekend was spent with my family, who stayed in my one bedroom, one bathroom apartment on two air matresses and a couch. More on that at a later date, but I will say when my 12 year old brother and 16 year old sister started arguing over a half-eaten cheeseburger this morning, the migrane did ensue. It was actually one of my more fun birthdays!

More on that later... feel free to ask me.

On to WAY more important business... Guess what the fabulous alex got me for the ol' birfday? A flat screen TV! Isn't he amazing? What a lil' saver he is... especially when he knows my track record with a Wii and a certain life long friends television!

And, it's Sunday - which means that tv is super lame. And that means that I'm watching The Next Food Network Star. Since it's on TV right now... I guess this means I'm "live blogging" about The Next Food Network Star. Oh, man... I have not earned this beautiful television.

I really thought I knew who was going to win, but after the pilot presentations... I was actually pretty impressed. I still think it will be Lisa Garza. And, let's all be honest... what is the first word that comes to mind when you look at this photo...

We all have the same word. SEVERE. Super, dooper severe. Lots of angels and sharpness. She intimidates the crap out of me. And yet... like a moth to the flame... I'm intrigued.

In a few moments, we'll all know the answer, but in the mean time -- I remained terrified and smitten.